‘Twas The Night Before Riftmas: A VR Holiday Poem

by Joe Durbin • December 24th, 2016

Happy Holidays from all of us here at UploadVR! Whether you own a Rift, Vive, PS VR, Gear, DayDream View, Cardboard or no headset at all, please have a happy, safe and warm holiday season! To celebrate we’ve written a little poem for you. Enjoy:

 

Twas the night before Riftmas, and all through the night

the young Palmer Luckey  was nowhere in sight;

His headset was hung by the PC with care,

In hopes that St. Zuckerberg soon would be there;

The board members were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of CEOs danced in their heads;

And Palmer in his flip flops, and bright floral gown

Was considering his contract with a cold winter’s frown,

When up from his desk there arose such a clatter,

He sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.

Away to his laptop He jogged with great speed,

Clicked open a message and began to read

The glow from the screen fell upon his sad face

And gave hope to his heart, which had started to race

When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,

But a message from someone he’d long come to fear

The tone of the e-mail was crisp, like a jewel

He knew in a moment it must be from Gabe Newell

More rapid than eagles his heartbeats they came,

As Gabe listed his failures and called them by name

“No, ROOM-SCALE! no, LIGHTHOUSE! Poor, TRACKING no HANDS!

Closed, CONTENT! walled GARDEN! no, FREEDOM for FANS!

To reach the top of the market! to sell-out in malls!

you must have! you must have! you must have them all!”

And then, in a twinkling, Palmer heard down the stairs

The sounds of an old man with a younger man’s hair.

As he drew up his courage and descended he found

Down the chimney Mr. Newell had come with a bound.

He was dressed all in black, from his foot to his head,

His pockets overflowing with funds he could spend

A bundle of cash he had flung by the tree,

And he never, no never, would use the word “three.”

The form of a Vive he held tight in his teeth,

With IR beam lasers circling it like a wreath;

It had a broad face with the look of swiss cheese,

That allowed every user to do as they please

He was chubby and plump, a legend for gamers,

And Palmer shook when he saw him, and yelled for the neighbors

But a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon let Luckey know he had nothing to dread;

Gabe spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

He gave Palmer a contract; then turned with a jerk,

And laying a pen beside a small dotted line

He explained to young Palmer that, indeed, he should sign

He sprang to the computer, placed upon it: a saddle,

And away Newell flew, straight back to Seattle

But Palmer heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

COME JOIN US AT VALVE, IT WILL ALL BE ALRIGHT!

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